it is all about values

i have learnt through the hard way the importance and value of money. it is not THE everything but i cant deny that it is a mean to an end. without cash, i have very limited things to do. i cant enjoy myself during weekends after sloughing myself 6 days at work. i have to self psycho myself that shopping will kill me further. i need to force simple lunch down my throat for a few days. i must consider and re consider before i make a decision just to spend that miserable 10 cents. what a life!

i felt guilty for once. i dont regret my decision but after hearing sad true stories on how other people fight to make their hungry stomaches full each day, i feel like slapping myself. i have almost everything within reach and i lead a comfortable life. instead of treasuring what i have now, i have totally no regrets for anything which i own now. will i only learn how to treasure when i lose it?

i have been thinking a lot these few days when i was resting at work. life is made up of sacrifices. i cant be a greedy person and want to have everything all at once. i will gain some and lose some along the way. it all has to depend on my priorities to see which are the things i want to hold on tight. sometimes, it is not up to me to decide what i want although i believe that i choose the way i want to live my life. principles and freedom always clash. i know deep in my heart how much i want to get out of the whole damn thing but something at the back of my head is telling me that i cant be an irresponsible person. i cant help it but to agree to it. it is just not me to have someone to clear up the mess i have created. i should take pride and responsibilities in anything that is given to me. i want to follow it through from the start till the end. is it a foolish decision? is it worthwhile? i cant be bothered with all these doubts from myself and the people around me. all i know is i will stand by my principles. it is hard to change my values overnight.

it has created a lot of problems for both my family and friends. i am sorry about that. i know how much i have neglected you but i need to follow it through. let this be a discovery journey for me to know how far i can stretch. let me be a better person out of it. i understand the distance between us is growing apart but just bear with me. i seek your patience and understanding in my decision. i shall not whine or grumble anymore. i have made a decision so be it. happy or sad, it is all up to me how i want to live each day.

"inspect what you expect"